YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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