Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
