drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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