She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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