I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
