I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
