it was like eating out sand paper
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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