yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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