1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
