i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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