I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You made out with two different species that night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
