hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
