Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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