no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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