can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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