Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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