It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
