I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
