so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
