Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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