You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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