There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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