During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was like his penis was on wheels.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
try to milk me bitch
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