I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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