The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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