just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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