I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
