don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
