He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
