Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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