Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
