I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
