I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
