She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Vodka?
Forever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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