I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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