Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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