i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
