I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
