You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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