Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
