so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
