thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I could fuck to npr.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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