I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
