I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
