Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
