the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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