You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
