suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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