It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
