he puts the penis in happiness.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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