Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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