you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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