I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
